Saturday, July 31, 2010 11:23 pm

human

Friday, July 30, 2010 12:04 am

you

listen, ♥I've been wondering, not just for weeks but months and years.

Thursday, July 29, 2010 11:28 pm

shit

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 10:41 pm

zoo

listen, ♥I had fun today despite being tired. I wish the day was longer and the night didn't draw near so quickly. But still, I had my fair share of fun. (:

Thank you for everything. :D I had an awesome dinner. I had a good time. And i enjoyed the company. (:

Today's a good good day! (:

12:16 am

you

listen, ♥You have no idea how much it pains my heart to see you in this state.

I'm worried that you wouldn't have enough of this and that.

I try to give you my best and all the love I can shower my friend with.

I know some things are easier said than done, and I'm not forcing you.

I've been through as much as you have in life.

My past has always remained a history and I'm afraid to open up, because I'm afraid of losing my sense of security in life.

As disgusting as life may seem, we still need to find meaning in it. Whether we lose someone of something yesterday, today or tomorrow, the earth will continue to revolve.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010 11:48 pm

me

listen, ♥Today, I hate myself for throwing a bitch fit at no one in particular. I hate the fact that I lost my patience and was pissed. I hate the fact that I cannot control my anger and burst out cursing someone deep inside my heart.

Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe I'm being over senstitive. Maybe I'm just afraid that one day I'll lost everything.

I know I can lose you as a friend for all I care, but why should I have an additional foe when I can have a friend?

I hate myself for cursing you and wishing that you were dead. I hate myself for being so mean and uncultured. I hate myself for being rude and disrespectful.

But have you ever thought back and wondered, what did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? I treated you as a friend, entertained you when you're bored and stood up to defend you when others put you down time and again. Am I wrong to do these?

Cause I see nothing except reality telling me that I'm more of a busybody than anything.

I try to smile, I try to make things better, I try to be a perfect as I can. But nothing I do seems to be of praise to you. Do you realise that?

You mock me, insult me and persecute me as and when you like. You bitch about me to others because you're sick and tired of me, am I not sick and tired of you putting up an act day in and out?

I may be stupid and worthless, but I definitely know that true meaning of friendship and the essence that would bring about greater joy in life. I was a very happy teenager but not anymore. My life is beyond ruined and if you're not facing anything close to what I am, you can totally stop your immaturity and learn how to grow up.

Fuck you bitch. For your insensitivity and your insincerity to others.

Monday, July 26, 2010 12:11 am

annoying

Sunday, July 25, 2010 6:21 pm

life

Saturday, July 24, 2010 9:51 pm

loserrr

listen, ♥It's funny yet stupid how you try to bring me down time and again but I always end up coming back stronger.

9:51 pm

dumbfark

8:17 pm

mixedfeelings

listen, ♥So I'm home on a Saturday night, which hasn't been the case in quite some time. I always have something on but I had to give everything a miss, just so that I have ample rest (which I did) and time to work on my EOM which hasn't been very successful until now.

5:36 pm

5th

5:10 pm

quote

listen, ♥"Some people remain quiet to save others from the embarrassment, but sometimes it just gets harder and harder to hold the silence when they keep continuing what they're doing."

3:48 pm

-.-

listen, ♥There's only so much a person can take. Be more sensitive when you speak.

Sometimes, ignorance is really bliss.

Friday, July 23, 2010 11:00 pm

causethatswhatfriendsarefor

listen, ♥I'll be there to walk you through your darkest moments and when you need someone, be there to reassure you that I'm around.

If you need a shoulder to cry on, you can lean on mine and when you need someone to talk to or vent your anger on, I'm here. Always, just to put a smile on your face and to tell you that things will turn out fine like they always do.

To hold you by the hand and walk with you through every step of the way. Because you're worth it and that's what friends are for. I love you. (:

10:37 pm

fake

listen, ♥I hate how you pretend to be nice and all that stuff day in and out, when in fact, you hate my freaking guts.

Get a life, grow up. It's long due bitch!

Thursday, July 22, 2010 3:13 pm

insensitive

listen, ♥WHY DO I NEED SUCH AN INSENSITIVE FRIEND IN MY LIFE?!

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME?!

CAN YOU PLEASE NOT MAKE ME HATE YOU?!

YOU'RE REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES, I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AT YOU!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010 9:12 pm

(:

listen, ♥Thank you for making my day a better one and I'm sorry if these are happening because of my presence.

Know that you're never alone on this journey, cause I'll walk closely beside you. We'll never lose grip or fall apart cause we'll still have each other.

Two is better than one. (: Remember, you're worth more than others are giving. You deserve much more than criticisms and insults. You deserve to be able to live your life, the way you want to.

Someday, you'll realise what I say makes sense.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything. Even the smallest and slightest gestures, cause they mean alot to me in different ways. (:

Xoxo,

3:46 pm

):

listen, ♥Cause I obviously don't belong and no matter how much or how nice I am, I'll never fit it. It wasn't my intention to be a part of you anyway.

Monday, July 19, 2010 10:57 pm

lessons

listen, ♥Often, we question ourselves and our sincerity towards others and in turn, people doubt us and sometimes find us unreasonable. But isn't this what life is all about? Isn't it mapped out beautifully already?

Often, I find myself questioning my integrity. Am I really doing this for other because I mean it? Or do I just want to be recognised and be of value or worth to that someone.

Often, I find myself dumd founded. I see no direction to move towards and my motivation in life has crumbled.

I know I need to take a step back to see and to experience the good things in life. But deep down inside I know, that the price that I eventually have to pay, outweighs all the benefits.

You know life is worth the living when you live for someone. And when you no longer find meaning in life, you can turn to that particular someone. Who should I turn to since you're gone and forgotten by many? I miss you!

Sunday, July 18, 2010 6:09 pm

you

listen, ♥And I wonder if I matter as much as before.

10:41 am

thoughts

listen, ♥All my life, I've been living for others. I've never be taught to live for myself, I've never been taught to take a step back to see how beautiful the world could be. And now when change is expected, I find myself reluctant and at the losing end all over again.

Am I wrong, being the way I was brought up to be? Maybe yes. But doesn't it make everyone feel better then? Rather than having to fight over something, I can be the one giving up my interest and compromising. Isn't it easier than having to fight time after time?

Often, I don't understand how others feel. I try to find meaning to this and that and everything, but nothing seems to make sense. Maybe I'm just giving excuses, but aren't we at a stage where we should be able to decide for ourselves and not dictate whatever the older generation has said and done? I don't know. Maybe, I'm just being over sensitive because of my failure in life.

Maybe I was born to be looked down upon, to be mocked by others and to be insulted in my face for not understanding or getting my facts right. Maybe I was born to be a loser who shows no discipline or leadership. I'm like the grass, swaying as the wind blows by. I'm that pathetic and I hate myself for being such a loser.

12:34 am

yourvoicewassoundtrackofmysummer

listen, ♥Thank you for a great great night.
Thank you for accompanying me despite being tired.
Thank you for making me smile time after time.
Thank you for making me think that there is more to life than sorrow.
Thank you for allowing me to witness the beautiful things I can attain in life.
Thank you so much, for being a part of my life.

Xoxo,
MARTHA!

Friday, July 16, 2010 11:05 pm

youcallyourselfafriend

listen, ♥I've never doubted any friendship I had this much before and you're the first to make me wonder if I ever made a mistake in having you as a friend. In fact, a good friend.

Where is the friend that I could count on whenever I am down, or when I'm not in a good mood? Where is the friend that I could whine to and not feel guilty or alone? Where is the friend that I found in you?

You're no longer the person I've known. You're no longer the same. You're no longer there for me the way I am for you.

Sometimes I wonder why I should give my all to my friends when they don't really deserve it. Tell me you do and I'll slap your face in an attempt to wake you up.

Yes, I'm feeling sore about this and if you have a problem, you can scream at me if you ever see me again. I've never felt so betrayed by a good friend before. You can go and die and whine and cry to all your Tom, Dick and Harry friends cause I don't give a shit.

You can bang your head on the wall and bleed yourself dry. I'm still not gonna be stupid and stand by you like before. Get Tom, Dick or Harry to do so. I'm sure they'll keep running, not to help you but away from you.

You knew this was gonna happen when you chose to put them before any of us. So now, you've just got to pay the price. I'm sorry for being mean but, you don't deserve my sympathy. At all!

MARTHA!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010 10:12 pm

annoying

listen, ♥I'm tired from a long day and I don't need such form of drama as entertainment cause it just pisses me off.

Can you be more human and behave like one instead of acting like a barbaric animal, screaming and shouting the whole house down?

You can have your freaking moodswings for all I care, just don't annoy us with it!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 6:55 pm

whatifienduplosingyouasafriend

Monday, July 12, 2010 7:09 pm

icanjustdierightnow

Sunday, July 11, 2010 10:12 pm

asshole

9:23 pm

gahhhh

Friday, July 09, 2010 4:48 pm

icancrymyheartsoutrightnow

11:36 am

bleah

12:46 am

dang

Thursday, July 08, 2010 2:19 pm

aunty

listen, ♥Sorry I threw a bitch fit and annoyed you. /:

I'm just, not in the mood for anything, especially food.

I'm sorry. ):

1:37 pm

friends?

listen, ♥

It’s sad how good friends can actually part ways and be so distant to one another just because we don’t see each other day in and out and it’s sad how our friendship’s slowly fading away.

You were my good friend, but somehow, someone that I cannot rely on. I’m sorry, but the truth hurts at times.

Maybe you’ve got your new friends and clique, you’ve got to juggle school and work all at the same time. But the gap between us is widening, have you noticed it?

You decide when to reply my text and when you choose to ignore it, but have you ever thought of the pain that other go through?

I went all the way to see you, only to be stared at and rejected by you. What did you expect me to say other then Hi and walk away? You seem more courteous towards your customers than to me.

You know how much I miss your smile?

xoxo,
MARTHA!

Wednesday, July 07, 2010 3:24 pm

i'llwatchtheworldfloatby

listen, ♥
You mean that much in my life.

Finally, the long awaited day since more than a month ago. It's finally over, promos is over and done. I feel so happy and relief but also scared cause my results are gonna suck big time and not forgetting the fact that A Levels is drawing in so quickly. I can safely say that I'm screwed for Biology and Chinese but nonetheless, I'm gonna give it my best shot. Cause all the money and effort that goes into studying, has to pay off!

Chinese oral on Friday, I'm hell screwed but I'm going to do my best by speaking in chinese. *faints* and to try to understand the topic and to keep talking until the teacher tells me to shut up. (never happens)

Right, POSITIVE MINDSET!

I'm not going to screw this up, I'm gonna make this work all over again. I'll survive no matter how hard I must try and someday, I'll prove my worth to the assholes who look down on me.

And yes, it's time to catch up on my sleep! :D I'm so happy. Thank god there's no tuition homework. (maybe there is, but hehehehe. :P)

I need to start working hard and mug my life away until A Levels. Sigh, this is the life I dread. I hate JC life. I wish I could be a little smarter or maybe I should have chosen to be in Poly. Oh well, life goes on. /:

I'm sitting here, waiting for Cupcake. And I'm falling asleep while typing this. -.-

I shall stop my rantings, bye!

The dark side of the world.

MARTHA!

Monday, July 05, 2010 10:55 pm

annoyed

listen, ♥I HATE YOUR PRETENCE, I REALLY REALLY REALLY DO!

I ALWAYS HAVE TO WONDER WHEN YOU ARE SPEAKING THE TRUTH AND WHEN YOU'RE LYING. OBVIOUSLY EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID WAS A LIE.

CAUSE ACTION OBVIOUSLY SPEAKS LOUDER THAN GOD DAMN WORDS!

10:52 pm

lies

listen, ♥I HATE HOW I PRETEND TO BE OKAY WHEN I AM NOT.

I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH I CAN JUST SLIT MY WRIST AND JUMP DOWN FROM THE KITCHEN WINDOW.

BUT WHAT I LOSE AT THE END, KILLS ME INSIDE. THE PAIN, THE LOST AND THE BETRAYAL THAT THE REST FEELS EATS ME.

8:19 pm

partners

listen, ♥It's sad how you live so far apart from your study partner. Cause having to travel from one end of the earth to the other alone, is such a drag.

Even if it's become a routine, somehow, I secretly hope that they would stay nearer so that I can bunk in at their house when I'm tired and just call to say I'm just blocks away.

My life sucks!

Sunday, July 04, 2010 11:33 pm

sorrowhurtpain

listen, ♥What I do best is hide my sorrow, but what do I get from it at the end?

Nothing but your persecution and complains about how imperfect life is.

Do I deserve all these rantings? When all my life, I've tried to make you proud!

9:03 pm

fuck

listen, ♥I SERIOUSLY HATE MY MUM FOR BEING SUCH A BITCH. PLEASE GET A GOD DAMN FREAKING SHIT HOLE LIFE BECAUSE NO ASSHOLE OWES YOU A BLOODY LIVING. DON'T STUPIDLY GO AROUND STEPPING ON PEOPLE TOES BECAUSE IT GETS ON EVERYONE'S NERVES! GO BANG YOUR HEAD ON THE WALL IF YOU NEED SOME SENSES TO BE KNOCKED INTO YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD. IF YOU WANT US TO FREAKING RESPECT YOU, PLEASE RESPECT THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU FIRST! IF NOT, JUST STAY FURTHER AWAY FROM US SO THAT WON'T HATE YOU SO MUCH!

Saturday, July 03, 2010 10:23 am

cien

listen, ♥Do you know how hurt we felt when you totally ignored us?

You made us feel like complete idiots with no freaking life, awaiting your dumb acknowledgement.

Can't you just say HI or something or have you gone mute because of the things you've done?

If we're unworthy or your respect then we really shouldn't be friends and just break the bond we used to share.

If your new friends of less than 2 years are better than us friends of about 7 years, I rest my case and would let you go.

But did you forget about the good times we've shared together and the smile we brought into each other's life? I guess these no longer matter to you cause from the start, you never wanted to remain a part of us.

Don't force yourself into this friendship. I don't need someone who never bothered to be a part of my life anyway.

Now, you can live your screwed up life the way you want to. You can screw your life even further cause I'm not gonna give a shit anymore.

It's sad how good friends grow distant and far from one another, and how we can actually be replaced so easily.

Maybe I've been a fool in cherishing hopes that we'll be like before all over again. Cause 7 years of friendship cannot be beaten by the ones you've just found and made into your life.

Goodbye forever my dear friend. Maybe our friendship wasn't meant to be, right from the start.

10:20 am

leavingonajetplane

listen, ♥Oh kiss me, and smile for me.
Tell that that you'll wait for me.
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
Cause I'm leaving, on a jet plane.
Don't know when I'll be back again.

- Leaving on a Jet Plane.

12:07 am

random

listen, ♥Ignore the pain I put you through, I never meant to do those things to you.

Friday, July 02, 2010 1:49 am

idk

listen, ♥I may be an idiotic person at times, but I know my limits and when to stop. I may not be that perfect someone you seek for, but I'm contented with what I have. I may be a failure in life, but that's not gonna stop me from doing things I want to. I may not be your perfect child, but I've tried to give my best. I may be annoying and such, but deep down, you know I love and care.

Thursday, July 01, 2010 12:24 am

victor

listen, ♥

Hi Victor! :D

This is random and I like the picture! ^^

Thanks for encouraging me all these while and making me feel that I'm worth much more than I perceive myself to be. Thanks for the wake up calls that I task you to do and for carrying them out so diligently. (:

I'm sorry that we couldn't meet yesterday/today cause I'm really tired and drained. I promise to meet you soon okay? Yes, I owe you Macs and lunch/dinner when I see you. I never forgot what I owe you.

I know you're not as happy as you use to for various reasons that are unknown to me. But know that I'll always be there for you when you need someone okay?

Like you, I'll lend you my shoulders to cry on and be your listening ear. (:

I miss you and will see you soon okay?! :D *teddy bear hug*

xoxo,
MARTHA!

12:05 am

boo!